A little over 2 years ago – TWO! (how does time fly so wickedly by??).
I remember the 9 months leading up to Jade’s birth how much I worried about not having enough room to love him, or not being able to love him enough, because I was so smitten and in love with Tristan. Don’t get me wrong, I loved him already, but I was so worried that my heart wouldn’t have space, or that something would have to give to make space.
Boy, was I wrong. Everyone told me so, but it was hard to imagine. Jade announced that he was ready to start embracing the world around 9:30 AM on May 14, 2015. This time, I decided to bring my ‘big girl’ camera so I could photograph him when I was up to it (I’m so glad I did). After some resting and pushing and encountering difficulties (dropping heart rate), we had to go with an emergency c-section. So thankful that we did, because they discovered that the cord was wrapped around his little neck. Makes me tear up just thinking about it.
Lying on the operating table, already feverish and not completely present (I had developed some sort of reaction), I remember hearing the surgeon ask the anesthesiologist whether she could start cutting and as soon as he gave her the go ahead, I felt the pressure of the initial cut across. It all happened so fast, but I was already so feverish and going in and out of consciousness. The last thing I remember is knowing they pulled my lil’ man out. As soon as I heard Jade cry, the world turned dark.
I didn’t get to see or hold him until almost an hour later.
You were so adorable! It was all worth it to ensure you came home safe and sound.
While the first few months rendered me to live in zombie state, you (I) had the best big brother (son) who helped me with so much – grabbing diapers, giving you kisses, making sure you were ok, showing you things even though it made you cross-eyed, to letting me catch little short snoozes while you napped.
Fast forward and we sit at today, two years later. The little boy before me is toddler going on little boy. Watching you grow, watching you learn, watching you with Tristan, and taking on your snuggles full-storm…I couldn’t imagine anything else. You bring SO much light, love and laughter into our lives. You complete us, our little family.
Jade – experiencing your growth, watching you explore the world around you, and seeing your growing adoration and love for Tristan among other things – has been an amazing journey to be a part of. Hearing your voice (because don’t we all wonder what our babies will sound like?) was so memorable. You have this slightly deep raspy-ish voice. You have been such an easy-going baby that just rolls with the punches. You are more independent than Tristan was (maybe comes with having a big brother?), super curious, and a friendly little boy. You love to laugh!! The littlest silly things can make you laugh, and your laughter is infectious. Like your big brother, you have a big heart, and I hope that grows into one that is empathetic, compassionate, strong and brave (same as my wish for your brother). Your power ranger stances kill me. 😀 So do your guttural ‘happy birthday’ singing, how you back up to sit in my lap, your crinkled nose and face when something is super funny, and how you sing in the car all the time.
I don’t know what I worried so much about in the beginning. Unknown to me at the time, my heart just knew how to expand around you and for you, and I have more love to give you and your brother, than I knew possible. Sometimes it feels impossible to contain, but most days, I just revel in the fact that I was blessed with you both, and my life is that much better with you in it.
I leave you with this video <3.
I love you lil’ man. Happy 2nd birthday, my jollybean!!